Outside Lands/"Point to Prove" Show

These past two weeks have been filled with some fantastic experiences and life lessons that will truly make an impact on my music and my life in general. Through my own performance and the performances of other artists, I really started to think deeply about what I want to do and the type of artist that I want to be. There's so many things that I want to incorporate into my own performances and so many things that I want to steer clear of. A lot of these things came to my mind during two opportunities that I was blessed to have; my trip to Outside Lands in San Francisco, and my first show Point to Prove.

During the second week of August, I took a trip to my hometown, the beautiful Bay Area, for the Outside Lands festival. For this trip, I was acting as an artist manager, really focusing the backside of the business. Although most of my time was used to recognize the inner workings of putting on a festival, I took time to go see a bunch of different artists so I could see what they do before, during, and after performances. The line-up was filled with artists of all levels and there was no particular genre being focused on. The bill included a wide range of music from Solange to Metallica and literally everything in-between. I walked around the festival all three days and watched as each artist brought something to their set that truly set them apart from the rest. I watched how engaged the crowd was/was not and I tuned into the way that each artist performed their set. I saw so many things that were good and that kept a group of people wanting more but I also saw a number of performances that didn't live up to the standard I assumed there was for live shows. Seeing these really made me realize what I need for my own performances and what I should stay away from as an artist. It opened my eyes to how I should be conducting myself on and off stage and what all goes into live performance, specifically a live performance in a festival setting.

This was not the first festival that I attended this summer but it was definitely one of a kind. Each festival truly has a different vibe and way of conducting its business. None of them are incorrect ways of doing so but it was definitely eye-opening to see how people do things differently. It's another reminder that there is not just one right way of living and doing something. I have the ability and opportunity to do what I feel is the best thing for my career and travel the road that is the best fit for my goals. If it is meant to be I will have the success that I am working towards by following my own path.

I am so grateful for the opportunity that I was given to travel and attend this festival and the others over this summer '17.

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A week ago today, I put on what I like to call my first show. Yes, I have had shows in the past and have had multiple performances, but this was the first time I was the sole performer and had a band to call my own, along with my ideas for the set and look of the show. It was a miraculous experience to showcase my best self. Just the simple thought of this show caused a lot of anxiety and stress for me for a lot of reasons. I wanted it to really represent me and the artist I am coming into. I wanted it to be an enjoyable experience for those watching and playing in my band. I wanted it to mean something and to explain just a piece of what goes on in my mind, heart, and spirit. And on top of that I just wanted it to look, sound, and be good. I worried about my song choices. I questioned if the band and my music director would understand what I was attempting to get across. I got nervous and sort of a sick feeling when something didn't go how I planned it to go. I wondered how I would be able to get on stage and make it through the show if I had all of these doubts and worries on my mind.

Over time, I forced myself to stop thinking so much because I knew exactly what I wanted and why I had chosen to do it. There was no need to stress myself out by overanalyzing every single thing that should've/could've/would've happened. That was not going to benefit me in any capacity. So I stopped. I began to trust myself and my decisions. I began to settle with everything that was going on and just took it one step at a time. When things went wrong, I took a deep breath and focused in on fixing the issues instead of stressing about it. Because eventually I understood that it would all work out exactly how it was supposed to. And that's exactly what it did.

My show turned out better than I could've ever imagined. Point to Prove was a success because I was being me. There were so many great parts to the show but there were three that really stood out to me:

1. People related to my Point to Prove title and purpose for the show. When coming up with a theme for the show, Point to Prove really stuck with me because I truly felt that I hadn't had the chance to really show others what I was capable of. Attending Berklee, I was only known for two things and neither of them were being a solo artist. I felt as though I had gotten through Berklee without exploring or honing in on my artistry. Since this was my first show as an artist and my last show at Berklee, it felt right to give my show this title. I wanted to give others some insight on me as an artist and to prove to them that I have the ability to perform on my own, to own a stage. I also wanted to prove to myself that I can take control of my anxiety and stress so that it doesn't interfere with my passion of performing.

There was a recent period of time that I would be too anxious to get on a stage. I would hyperventilate seconds before having to smile and sing for an audience and I couldn't figure out exactly why. It wasn't something that happened when I was younger, it seemed to just pop up randomly during my time in college. It really sucked to have that feeling and to not know how to manage it. To stress about it happening every time you had a show. So I worked on managing myself so that it wouldn't happen or happen less so that I could get to be the fearless performer that I so badly wanted to be. This show, although filled with plenty of opportunities to freak out and tense up, was one where I felt completely in control of myself and my emotions. It was definitely a moment of victory and I really do feel as though I proved my point to those in attendance, but most importantly to myself.

I think the reason so many related to the title was because they feel or have felt the same way especially those that attend/attended Berklee. Going to a top music school where everyone is great, it is easy to lose your way and to fall in the pit of self-criticism due to comparison. So it is not new feeling as though you have to constantly prove yourself to others to show that there is a reason why you belong. I hope that with my show, I made the point of it being okay to prove yourself but not constantly feeling or searching for the need of others approval. As long as you are proud and content with yourself and what you have to offer, your talent will shine through for others to see regardless if you set out to do so or not.

2. I had no nerves or stress. I was filled with excitement leading up to the show. I didn't get anxious because my soundcheck ran late, or because my hair wasn't finished. I wasn't worried about people not showing up. I was so excited to perform what I had prepared for the audience whether there was only 2 people or hundreds. I was so ready to prove this point that I felt I needed to prove, I didn't care how many received the message. Even if I was the only person to receive that message, I made someone believe in me and what I have to offer.

3. The amount of support that I had for this show was immense. I cried so much after the night was over because I couldn't believe the amount of love that was shown to me. I had such a beautiful crowd of people there and a large amount of people watching the live stream. I had over one hundred text messages from friends showing their love, a friend and former mentor stay in Boston for a day to come and check it out before heading back to Maine, and so many friends and artists that I look up to there to see me attempt to show my best self. I am still in disbelief. For all of those that were there in some way who are reading this, thank you. Your love and support is most definitely appreciated and noticed.

I have written way more than I ever intended to for this blog post but I really wanted to open up and share what I've been feeling about these experiences. I thank you for taking the time to read my entire post and I hope you enjoyed what you read!

If you are interested in reading a review of the show, (my first review yay!), check out the "Point to Prove" Review link on the top of this website. If you'd like, you can also ask questions or comment in the comments section below! I would love to interact with those following along.

Dalaun

Photo By: Ariff Danial

Special thanks to the following people:

Band: Isaiah Carter (Music Director/Keys), RJ Walters (Keys/Aux), Miguel Diaz (Guitar), Christoff Glaude (Bass), Lajone "Jerrell" Campbell (Drums), Scott Bell (Trumpet), Daniel Szczepanski (Trumpet), Kevon Scott (Tenor Sax), Hoyt Parquet (Trombone), Austin Macasieb (Harp), Xenia Manasseh (BGVs), Rachel Gonzalez (BGVs), Tyler Pinder-Hudson (BGVs), Brandon Crichfield (BGVs), Niya Norwood (BGVs Music Director)

Hair/Make-Up Artist/Stylist/: Quam Kent

Photography/Videography: Quam Kent, Ariff Danial, Kevin Greene

Roger & Darla Holly, The Berklee Groove, Dominique Jones, Jeff Dorenfeld/Jeff Abruzzese/BPMI, Berklee Concert Operations, Berklee Video Services, Berklee College of Music